(4 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

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I was working at my friends shop in Logan Utah on my days off back in 2003.  The Piercer there had set me up an appointment with some lady, and all she wanted was a small red heart literally the size of a pea.  She’d only left a 20$ deposit, and the minimum at the time was 50$.

I waited around, and she’d finally shown up.  300 lbs, wearing a red sweater(like the kool aid man) and had a bunch of warts inbetween her nose and face, that cause her nose to almost plug itself.  On top of all that, she didnt smell like flowers either.

She said she didnt want to start until her friend had arrived, so we waited almost an hour and a half.  This whole time waiting I was trying to convince her to just get it over with, and that it would take maybe 5 minutes.  She told me I could just keep her money, and that she was scared.  It was my only client that day, and I’d driven 2 hours so I wasnt going home with 20 bucks.  We waited a little while longer and I finally managed to convince her to let me do it.

I had my new travel set of pigments, and hadnt yet switched my pop tops, to screw tops.  I was already over this lady, and when I went to shake my red pigment, I didnt hold the top on, and it shot off turning my new jeans red.  I was lit.  I drew the little heart on, and tattooed it finishing in no time at all.  Then I asked, “Not so bad right?”  And she replied with, “Yeah, you were right!  It wasnt nearly as bad as having the warts removed from my Vagina.”  I about Shit!!  I didnt know whether or not to puke, or die laughing.  Or puke laughing!  I tried to make a quick getaway, and as I ran my tubes past the piercing room, I saw the piercer standing there jaw dropped, and eyes wide open.  He quietly muttered, “What THE FUCK DID SHE SAY!?”  I gave him the ‘you asshole’ face, and went about my business.

I gathered myself, and charged her the rest of the amount, that was far to low for such a horrifying ordeal.  50$ isnt even enough to pay a hypnotist to block this out of my life, let alone a therapist for the potential damage this couldve had on my head, had I not been worked up to this situation from being around the random crap that goes on in tattoo shops.

Her friend finally arrived.  I was expecting an overweight, heavy breathing, drueling, butt sweating, sick jabba the hut look a like.  But he was a 19 year old clean cut strange pop collared kid.

I dont want to know what kind of sick shit theyre into.